I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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