weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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