don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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