Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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