i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And then he peed in my hair
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