just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
