Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
