I want to walk on stilts...naked
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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