You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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