so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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