It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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