census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
