Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
