yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
