i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
