my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
