Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
