I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
