Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
