Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize