I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
