I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
