Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
