i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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