Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
