He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
