I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
