fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
