Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
