Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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