Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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