If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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