So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize