dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
