i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
