I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize