Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
