some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
