then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize