I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
