she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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