k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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