this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
