um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize