I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dick very happy bro
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
