I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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