put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
