you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
