I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wow bdsm is so cute
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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