About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
