That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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