It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
