She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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