I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize