1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
