Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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