i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize