I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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