I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
