I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
