So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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