I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
