She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize
