that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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