shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
