Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize