Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
