I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
