Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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