I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
