My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
