just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
