Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
