I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
