i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
