On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
