I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
