i think my tv is drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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