he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
