That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
