I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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