Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
