i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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