I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
