Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so much tequila, so little girl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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