you have to choose: penises or morals?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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