I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize