Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you.
Bad choice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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