Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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