If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
