got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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