I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
