you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize