Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
