This beer is not sobering me up at all
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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