We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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