I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
