i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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