Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
