The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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