God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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