I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
