Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
