was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize