If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
