I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
