so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
