I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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