"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
