There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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